Saturday, October 29, 2005

A More Focused Focus

My husband has been bugging me about posting. He claims that there are hundreds, maybe even thousands or millions of blogs out there with one or two posts...left abandoned in cyberspace pergutory. Quite honestly, after I began this blog, I have had a hard time of thinking about what I should write. Everything seems trite or unimportant. The majority of my life is consumed by my toddler, since raising her is my full time job. When I started this blog, I wasn't anticipating writing about my experiences of motherhood, but why not? So, I guess, that will be the focus. I'll write when I can and I'll probably write about her. Is this ok with everyone? (Can you tell I'm a people pleaser?)

Getting Over Myself

My husband and I finally went away to celebrate our fifth anniversary this past weekend. (Our anniversary was in June.) Back then, it didn't work out to go away for a variety of reasons. The biggest one was that we weren't ready to leave our little girl behind. As I thought about it, I realized that I have been there every morning of her life. How weird was it that I wasn't this past Saturday? For her, it didn't seem to make a difference. For me, it was significant. How, I'm unable to say, but it was sad and liberating at the same time. She is ok if I'm not there, but does it make a difference that I'm always there on a regular basis? She woke up at Grandma's house, not pining for me, but continuing with her routine, as if I nothing were different. I'm glad she was content and pleasant, as usual. But did she notice I wasn't there?
I continue this entry nearly a month after I began it. We've left her again, when we went to a wedding last weekend. I'm over it, I think. I'm over myself, I mean. She doesn't need me. I mean ultimately, at least. I am her number one caregiver and she'll probably recognize that more as she gets a bit older, but all she needs is love and familiarity right now. Grandma and Grandpa love her and that's all that matters to her. Also, they and their home are familiar to her. Ugh...growing up is tough, for all of us.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

When One Door Closes, A Mommy Learns Her Lessons

By far, my scariest "Mommy Moment" yet in my 19 months of mommyhood. Yesterday, upon arriving home from the grocery store, I deviated from the routine and left the driver's side door open. After releasing her from the confines of the carseat, my 19-month old little girl and I proceeded to unload the trunk and walk toward the house. (She had the important job of carrying the box of waxed paper.) She became fascinated with the open door and did not continue, as I did. I turned around and saw her there, in the jaws of open door, investigating things. Did I mention our driveway is on a slant? As I neared the house, thoughts of terror raced through my mind, as I imagined her cute little head being squished by a closing car door. I dropped the bags and proceeded to slowly walk toward the scene, so as to not cause her to make any sudden movements. All the while, I chanted, "Lord, please keep her safe. Lord, please keep her safe. Lord, please ke..." As I was just a foot or so too far away to stop it, the door did close, knocking her 23 pounds down and wedging her little head between the door and the frame of the car. She howled and I removed her, apologizing and examining her for any major damage. Fortunately, the Lord did keep her safe and she doesn't even have a bruise to show for the whole ordeal. My husband arrived home shortly after and I relayed the whole story to him. As I obsessed about how scared I was, later on in the evening,he stated that God makes out bodies as to be able withstand a closing door of a car even. I am also reminded, once again, that my child's life is not in my hands. I cannot keep her safe from all harm, but I can trust in the One that is able. Praise Jehovah!

Do I Really Have Time For This?

I doubt it. But, at my husband's encouragement, I'll start and see how it goes. I've been reading other people's blogs for about six months or so and have been intrigued by the idea. Not that anyone will read this (doesn't everyone say that?), but perhaps this will help me express my thoughts, ideas, experiences, etc. in a more organized fashion. So, here goes nothing. (much, at least)